Taking care of business

Some of you have asked about contributing to Multiple Myeloma research.  I wish I'd posted it earlier, but there is a wonderful UW Hospitals fund called the Trillium Fund (Foundation?) that focuses exclusively on Myeloma research.  It was started by one of the founders of our support group.  Unfortunately, some of the others that say they do myeloma research, myeloma its self is somewhat of an add on.
I'll get more specific info by my next posting.

I'm making progress on closets, had my first head to head with "machines" when our riding lawnmower had 2 flat tires and a dead battery.  A neighbor helped, but I am coming face to face with
a) my discomfort around feeling, hell, being needy
b) Machine care, use, maintenance (I'm starting a learning log book to write down whatever advise I'm given in this category so I can read it later when I'm trying to remember the random number/nonsense syllables that I experience when folks talk about such stuff)  (better get over that!!!)
c) fear that I won't be able to afford to "hire out" those Gil tasks that  I have no natural affinity for.

SO
a) I think I may do as a friend suggested and develop an email list of those folks who have offered to help. When I decide I really need to use a "lifeline" I'll send out an email and see if anyone responds.  I won't have the discomfort of asking people directly and fearing that they are too polite to say "no", and hopefully being one of a crowd should make it easier for them to not offer.
b)  I've written down the numbers for buying the right oil filter and air filter for the lawn mower, and plan to change them this weekend, the start of my more nurturing relationship with machines!
c) I'm meeting with a financial person this afternoon to figure out how to manage my reduced income and see what I've got to spend to just pay people to do some of this stuff.

I'm starting to take care of business.
It still feels so odd.  Perhaps I've been keeping myself a little too occupied with activities and time with people I love.  I think I may need a little more time alone with the oddness of his absence,  to start to take baby steps into my life without him.

I had no idea it would be like this.