Becoming my own primary relationship

I watch the couples, the families I know, and see how decisions are colored by what they know "the other" needs, wants ...  It doesn't mean that folks can't be selfish but they do it within the magnetic field of the other.
Since late adolescence I've had a true north through my felt sense of my sibs', or my husband or my kids'   needs.  It was grounding, and simplified decision making.  All I did had those boundaries.      
And now I am in free fall;  my first responsibility now is my own well being.  It's like how on our first anniversary Gil told me "We should move out into the country because you need it to keep your soul moist, and as long as it's a half hour from restaurants and movies, I'll be good".   Now I need to do that for myself.  Do I want to still live in the country? Do I want to live with or nearer other people? Do I want to travel?   How best to take care of this body that I find myself with, with all it's weak links and fissures?   How odd.  I really hadn't noticed it much before.     I am me and this is my life; what I do makes a difference.
So what is my true north now?  A lot of solitude and silence and ruminating, puttering, slowly getting on top of organizing tools and weeding/mowing.   It feels soothing, like I'm being responsible in a way I was only half assed before.  How to be the best possible iteration of me?   Trying a little more, a little different and noticing how I feel, am I flourishing or drying up.    And noticing the world around me; I am touched by the news but more deeply moved by the struggles of friends and folks I see.  I'm coming to some peace, acceptance, we are a civilization in decline, as I am an individual in one sort of decline too.  Somehow saying it, my expectations are reduced and I delight in smaller signs of life.      
I am learning.       How to say "no, that doesn't work for me" to say "I can handle this or that, but radio silence, not telling me what's going on, I'm not willing to put up with that".     There is nobody else to turn to.  It's up to me  to take care of, to optimize, to revel in      me.