I had a brain MRI on the 26th. No sign of MS though there were a few other signs of it being an almost 70 yr old brain. I'm getting appointments and sharing records to start doing what needs to be done for the chelating (flushing heavy metals from the body). So much for business.
I'm home, have the girls for the long weekend. It feels gooood to be home! It's a little overwhelming as, even with my improvements, there is a lot to be done that I'm not capable of. I've perhaps been doing too much walking without the walker; I'm feeling pretty sore, but hope it's just a sign of muscle growth. No great insight, but I'm clear and committed to doing each day what needs to be done to get better, even if I don't feel like it. Now is not the time for whining.
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Friday, December 21, 2018
There's Good news and Bad news (or What I Learned at my Canadian Christmas Camp)
I'm definitely getting better, that's clear. I can step up a 6" curb without pulling myself up with my hands. Each day this week I've been a little stronger. This morning I found I was able to walk less wide stance, move my hips a little as I walked. Though I may have some back sliding when I go home, I gather I should be able to retain most of this, Good News for sure!
The bad news is it appears I have metabolic toxicities from a variety of sources and the detoxifying process is complex, hazardous and possibly will require returning to British Columbia. I have contacted a naturapath in Madison that I hope will be able to continue the protocol that's helped me here.
Ahh but what I've learned being in Canada, there I can indulge. First, there's a subtle difference in the Canadian air, a little less PC, less wheelchair friendly doors, more actual Christmas carols and "Merry Christmas". There are many, many ethnic groups here, mostly of different Asian decent but all decidedly Canadian. It definitely gives a different feel. But mostly what I've learned has to do with how it feels having all my daily habits up for grabs for 3+ weeks. Here's my takeaway.
I've been completely off of caffein and sugar and big meals. I think I want to continue that with the occasional coffee or sweet but only as something out of the ordinary to notice and savor. I am way more hydrated now and realize that may be a major contributor to my improvement, and so I want to continue. I've been walking in the water every 2-3 days at a local pool. As some of you know I dislike going in the water and distain exercise for exercise sake as being like a gerbil in a cage.
Get over it Pipes, you almost lost the use of this body, daily maintenance of some sort is the least you can do. Maybe that's it. My inner bear is stepping up and saying enough whining about what you like, this is a time to not argue with yourself (I always lose!) about what you feel like, or how much it costs, or is it the right treatment (as if I can out figure the docs). This is the time to step up and decide if I want a body to use these next years, then just DO IT! Don't think about it, if you have good reason to trust that it's helpful, just do it and evaluate later.
I used to teach the kids that it took 24 times in a row to make a habit. I've had a few more than that this trip. I wonder after 6 months how strong my soul muscle will be, as well as my legs.
The bad news is it appears I have metabolic toxicities from a variety of sources and the detoxifying process is complex, hazardous and possibly will require returning to British Columbia. I have contacted a naturapath in Madison that I hope will be able to continue the protocol that's helped me here.
Ahh but what I've learned being in Canada, there I can indulge. First, there's a subtle difference in the Canadian air, a little less PC, less wheelchair friendly doors, more actual Christmas carols and "Merry Christmas". There are many, many ethnic groups here, mostly of different Asian decent but all decidedly Canadian. It definitely gives a different feel. But mostly what I've learned has to do with how it feels having all my daily habits up for grabs for 3+ weeks. Here's my takeaway.
I've been completely off of caffein and sugar and big meals. I think I want to continue that with the occasional coffee or sweet but only as something out of the ordinary to notice and savor. I am way more hydrated now and realize that may be a major contributor to my improvement, and so I want to continue. I've been walking in the water every 2-3 days at a local pool. As some of you know I dislike going in the water and distain exercise for exercise sake as being like a gerbil in a cage.
Get over it Pipes, you almost lost the use of this body, daily maintenance of some sort is the least you can do. Maybe that's it. My inner bear is stepping up and saying enough whining about what you like, this is a time to not argue with yourself (I always lose!) about what you feel like, or how much it costs, or is it the right treatment (as if I can out figure the docs). This is the time to step up and decide if I want a body to use these next years, then just DO IT! Don't think about it, if you have good reason to trust that it's helpful, just do it and evaluate later.
I used to teach the kids that it took 24 times in a row to make a habit. I've had a few more than that this trip. I wonder after 6 months how strong my soul muscle will be, as well as my legs.
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Reality is a Slippery Thing
I've been here 2 1/2 weeks, one more to go. So, how am I doing? I could bore you with details, but the upshot is, I don't really know. In some ways I'm worse than I was in Nov. in others....? Reality has so much to do with context and editing and perspective; it's hard to pin down.
Ok so I will bore you with details.
I've had increasing migrating joint pain and thigh muscle weakness since early Summer. Around the beginning of Nov. my joint pain started to fade but I continued with muscle pain especially thigh muscle weakness which made me increasingly unable to lift my feet and walk. By the end of Nov. when I came out here, I couldn't walk without the walker. That weakness was a little worse by the end of the first week here. In the last few days, I think, maybe, perhaps,
I might be getting slightly stronger.
This is where the slightly surreal perspective of this post emerges. Pain and even disability are so "now" so hard to put on that darn 10 pt scale the docs are always asking for. Mine has also been challenging to document because it goes up and down over a 1-2 week cycle as well as targeting different pain spots. I've been keeping a regular record but it's hard to really compare the sensations of even a few days before. I noted back in Nov. when I no longer was able to lift my foot over a curb without something to pull myself up with. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that I felt dangerous trying to shuffle the 30' to the front door of the clinic. I've been using the walker 100% since then. But today I tried walking some 40+ feet and it was a stronger, safer shuffle. I was able to pull myself up stairs foot over foot not the one step at a time that's been my last few weeks.
In the past, the shifts have been subtle; often they've been part of a cycle which continues a downward trend. The pains change characteristics and loci. I've felt lost in a jungle of sensation where perspective is both elusive and illusory. But my perspective or self talk about this morass is a powerful variable that I think it's time to use.
I'm going to try to harness the placebo effect, or denial, or hope or whatever psychological trick it may be to pull myself arm over arm out of this hole I'm in. Lord only knows I've thrown every intervention but the kitchen sink at it in these last weeks including sessions in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, laser light treatment of my blood, very detailed food sensitivity testing and other IV antimicrobial and immune stimulating drugs. So now is the time to add my psychological magic sauce, find the strand of reality that reinforces the perception that I am getting stronger, and hold on to it with all my might. And it may, indeed, in time, prove Real.
Ok so I will bore you with details.
I've had increasing migrating joint pain and thigh muscle weakness since early Summer. Around the beginning of Nov. my joint pain started to fade but I continued with muscle pain especially thigh muscle weakness which made me increasingly unable to lift my feet and walk. By the end of Nov. when I came out here, I couldn't walk without the walker. That weakness was a little worse by the end of the first week here. In the last few days, I think, maybe, perhaps,
I might be getting slightly stronger.
This is where the slightly surreal perspective of this post emerges. Pain and even disability are so "now" so hard to put on that darn 10 pt scale the docs are always asking for. Mine has also been challenging to document because it goes up and down over a 1-2 week cycle as well as targeting different pain spots. I've been keeping a regular record but it's hard to really compare the sensations of even a few days before. I noted back in Nov. when I no longer was able to lift my foot over a curb without something to pull myself up with. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that I felt dangerous trying to shuffle the 30' to the front door of the clinic. I've been using the walker 100% since then. But today I tried walking some 40+ feet and it was a stronger, safer shuffle. I was able to pull myself up stairs foot over foot not the one step at a time that's been my last few weeks.
In the past, the shifts have been subtle; often they've been part of a cycle which continues a downward trend. The pains change characteristics and loci. I've felt lost in a jungle of sensation where perspective is both elusive and illusory. But my perspective or self talk about this morass is a powerful variable that I think it's time to use.
I'm going to try to harness the placebo effect, or denial, or hope or whatever psychological trick it may be to pull myself arm over arm out of this hole I'm in. Lord only knows I've thrown every intervention but the kitchen sink at it in these last weeks including sessions in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, laser light treatment of my blood, very detailed food sensitivity testing and other IV antimicrobial and immune stimulating drugs. So now is the time to add my psychological magic sauce, find the strand of reality that reinforces the perception that I am getting stronger, and hold on to it with all my might. And it may, indeed, in time, prove Real.
Monday, December 10, 2018
Zero Gravity
I am sitting in a small room in Canada, noticing. It is, oddly, my only job these days. I'm here to try to reboot my life, change my patterns of eating, moving, breathing, sleeping. Hopefully the Lyme or other tick diseases I have will succumb to the barrage of different Naturopathic treatments I'm here for, but if not, I should still know a lot more about my body than I do now.
I'm halfway through my time here, with no noticeable improvement, in fact, with a slight continuation of my downward trend in ability to walk without the support of my walker. I feel occasional burps of despair but mostly live still snuggled in my cocoon of denial. The overriding background sensation of this time is being in zero gravity. I have none of what usually grounds me, home maintenance, responsibilities, relationships, little creative projects. Without those duties to my former self, I'm able to consider what my life would be like if I can no longer walk or carry things unassisted. I'll be having a brain MRI when I return to look at other serious disability contenders.
It's sort of like inviting a new member to my team of multiple personalities, one in stark contrast to the independent pioneer who has always been my front man.
I've been having dream conversations with a group of women about color and life style and how to avoid attracting bear with our female hormones. (though we hear a story of a woman giving birth in the wild without being attacked.)
During my travels out here, a man offered me help and then added that the women he'd met from WI (and Montana) were amazingly strong, and able to kick butt. Not sure why, but that seemed to be a blessing for this trip.
There's a photo of a bear on the wall in the little Arbnb room I spend so much time in. A totem for this new territory I'm in?
I'm halfway through my time here, with no noticeable improvement, in fact, with a slight continuation of my downward trend in ability to walk without the support of my walker. I feel occasional burps of despair but mostly live still snuggled in my cocoon of denial. The overriding background sensation of this time is being in zero gravity. I have none of what usually grounds me, home maintenance, responsibilities, relationships, little creative projects. Without those duties to my former self, I'm able to consider what my life would be like if I can no longer walk or carry things unassisted. I'll be having a brain MRI when I return to look at other serious disability contenders.
It's sort of like inviting a new member to my team of multiple personalities, one in stark contrast to the independent pioneer who has always been my front man.
I've been having dream conversations with a group of women about color and life style and how to avoid attracting bear with our female hormones. (though we hear a story of a woman giving birth in the wild without being attacked.)
During my travels out here, a man offered me help and then added that the women he'd met from WI (and Montana) were amazingly strong, and able to kick butt. Not sure why, but that seemed to be a blessing for this trip.
There's a photo of a bear on the wall in the little Arbnb room I spend so much time in. A totem for this new territory I'm in?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)