Who knows? We are where we are. Perhaps this and perhaps that but here is now, and that's where we are. He's getting a variety of antibiotics and fluids and time. He sweats, and then is dry. His knee hurts but is basically dealt with by pain meds and ice. He's present and then not. He's agitated some and then relaxed.
I'm going to look into Hospice and how that would work, pain management wise, if we went home. No decisions 'til it's clearly time to decide but the info junky in me wants to know what I can about options. Unfortunately I was never very good at chess and seeing multiple moves down the board. Good NYTimes op ed today by David Brooks about leaving the future it's options.
Several folks have called and wanted me to call back. I just don't have it in me. Please make do with the blog for now. We/you'll never have the ultimate good bye conversation; chew some more on the conversations with him that you remember and get whatever remaining relationship nutrients you can. He's already given you what he had to give. If there's more, believe me, I'll let you know.
a little food for thought:
The wilderness is not just a desert through which we wandered for forty years.
It is a way of being.
A place that demands being open to the flow of life around you.
A place that demands being honest with yourself without regard to the cost in personal anxiety.
A place that demands being present with all of yourself.
In the wilderness your possessions cannot surround you.
Your preconceptions cannot protect you.
Your logic cannot promise you the future.
Your guilt can no longer place you safely in the past.
You are left alone each day with an immediacy that astonishes, chastens and exults.
You see the world as if for the first time.
Rabbi Kushner
No comments:
Post a Comment