Friday, November 21, 2025

This isn’t working

 Somehow leaving the writing til the end of the day ISN’T working.    I’m relying on late night, half asleep ruminations where what I really want is to built a scaffolding of habit.  For all of my going on about not wanting to be driven by the need to accomplish, I do need to feel like I’m building something in this new life    I know I’m hanging open but it can’t all be just what’s  easy and no stress.   A little daily discipline, for no other reason than because I said so, would be good for my soul.     

So I’m going to recommit to 24 days in a row of writing. And I’d like to build it into my morning. And it isn’t going to be easy,

My bro in law may have tried to commit suicide tonight   It doesn’t appear that he will die from it  but in so many ways he’d already chosen to let go of his life, to avoid effort, discomfort, engagement    I love him; he reminds me so much of Gil   But that is Not how I want to live this end phase of my life   So perhaps a little more effort, discomfort, engagement is what I can try to commit to as a response to what he is choosing     It’ll be hard perhaps, but I may feel more alive because of it


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