Accomplishment

 I remember mom saying that she didn’t feel good about herself if she wasn’t accomplishing something.  It made me feel a little sad for her.  But I know the heady sense of power that comes from making and tweaking and jarring 29 quarts of Minestrone AND dispersing them to various freezers and fridges!   I DO like the feeling of crossing things off my lists, but I fear the busyness which distracts me from asking what do I want, to do, to be, to contemplate; ?  I don’t think accomplishing needs to be mutually incompatible with Being, but it def can be misleading, pointing to what was done rather than why and to what end?  

My fear is with all the silence and lack of demands or responsibilities,    that there will be Nothing, crickets, pointlessness.   But I think that’s what I need to face and find out.    “It wouldn’t be the Hero’s Journey if the outcome was safe and certain”

But having a body and breath and hands means having potential.   Potential energy is to be used.   I can scribble nonsense and crumple it up and throw it away.   Or I can try to Further the Action, make my spot in the world a better place, more kindness and order and gladness for the miracle of being alive.  Perhaps accomplishment in the service of being alive is sufficient      Blah blah blah.   Is this just pointless bullshit ruminating or am I actually pursuing something important?    Maybe both