Hmmm what I wrote last night has a strand of BS and perhaps some truth. Being alive in a body IS all potential energy and not doing things which feed, cloth repair and grow our lives , is a waste. I DO like to move through my lists, checking off calls, bill paying and floor cleaning without anguishing about whether I want to or not. Just DO It, don’t think about has been a long held mantra.
So what was I dithering about last night…? I think it’s about balance and a gentleness of self admonitions Some days I barely start my list (or never make one!), other days I cross off everything. Yes it feels good but the balance for me is finding equal enjoyment from letting the list go. And not becoming too attached to my worth being tied to my level of accomplishment as my mom did.
I’m starting to tire of navel gazing. I’m hungry for doing (yes accomplishing) something of value, to me or those I love or better yet the World. But what?
So the bored and restless phase is hitting me. I think my chewing on the idea of doing something of?worth?meaning?usefullness? Is the start of the discomfort of no longer having a role defined by my Doing. So I should expect BS to come out of my fingers. I am trying to shed many years’ identity as a farmer, a counselor, a crafter. I am grasping at straws of what else I have in me. And do I have the energy to become it?
No comments:
Post a Comment