Pain

 Pain is a background hum of so many lives these days.  There is so much pain out there and a hopeless sense that there’s nothing to be done.   It can feel overwhelming  

 I have an ambivalent feeling about low level pain.  It’s an annoyance, an energy drain but also a motivator to do what I can to relieve it.   I think it’s a fool’s goal to eradicate it; won’t happen while I’m in a body.  And as long as I can escape in sleep or a good story, I can attenuate to it most of the time.  I’m not clear if chronic shoulder pain led Bob to take an overdose of Lorazepam yesterday, or boredom.   I think of people with intractable pain and wonder how they can stay engaged with their lives.  I think of Freda Kahlo  how did she turn her pain into art?  Was it the escape drug of creativity?   How do I find that?  I think getting back in the harness of new habits, walking, writing and now the touch typing app,  may eventually bear fruit    

I remember a bolt of awareness when I was a teenager  that “comfort addiction” was the great danger   I feel it playing out now when I “don’t wanna” take a walk or wash my floor.   I see Bob’s situation as exacerbated by that and want to learn from his pain not waste it