We left the hospital last Thursday aft and after initial unpacking, while making dinner, I noticed that one of the rear tires in our new Prius was going flat very and fast.
I had nothing left in my energy bank so I used a neighbor life line. And even though he was in the middle of cooking his own dinner, he came. and puffed up the tire and followed me into Barneveld so I could drop it off at the tire repair place. Bless him.
And the next morning another neighbor showed up and helped me take down the porch storms and bring out the glider. Bless him!
Saturday Gil really seemed to be getting back to his old self, personality wise, albeit with a hoarse whisper as the mouth sores had moved to a new level of hellishness and gone down his esophagus. ARG!! Great visit with Adam et al for dinner Saturday night, Adam getting Gil untangled from all his electronic spaghetti. (there should be a special blessing for a computer geek son who is willing to refrain from rolling his eyes at his parent's incompetence in his domain, and still solves the problem!)
Then on Sunday two great visits where he talked and played and even "helped" a friend get the plow blade off our truck. There is a stiff learning curve awaiting me in the domain of "farm machinery" I suspect I'll be using a lot of mentor/helpers to "get by".
Monday was labs and transfusions but Gil started to slide into a profound exhaustion. By dinnertime he was basically unrouseable. We had another dance with "should we or shouldn't we come in" with the on call doc and opted for staying home. The fatigue continues but with longer reprieves.
We had been in conversation with a fellow who sells and fixes pool and billiards tables, who was planning to deliver a billiards table on Weds. I called a dear heart friend who is a professional house painter to get some advise about materials and method to finish off the drywall in the garage (to make it worthy of the grand table!) And he offered to come
and DO IT, with my unprofessional assistance. We were up til 12:30 Tuesday night and then Wednesday with Tom Kavanaugh, aka "a friend in need" we mudded drywall, laid the indoor/outdoor carpet I got and helped the billiards folk get the table all set. They were going to finish the painting this morning while we're at the hospital. I can't wait to see it!!!
Then last night my refrigerator died. I ferried the stuff still frozen enough into the deep freeze and called our local service man/friend who will check it out but thinks it's dead.
When things like this and the flat tire keep happening, all I can do is think "you've gotta be kidding!" It's actually kinda funny from a certain point of view. Besides, I'd been meaning to clean out the fridge; now I may get the ultimate in clean refrigerators!! and a chance to toss out goodies which have been lurking in the freezer longer than they should!
At the hospital today, red blood is stable at 9.4 (that's 10 days) needed platelets, some small change ups with the chemo and a request by Dr Callander for patience; it takes time to see results (though his IGG continues to slowly decline) and a request by us for no more quality of life suckers for treatments. Agreed.
So I am learning how to ask, be open to help.
I am learning to trust that if I need help and ask for it, I won't overwhelm folks with my neediness (my prime fear) . That people won't do more than they want and resent me (another big reason I avoid asking). But perhaps my biggest learning is that there is so much love around, for Gil, for me, for the act of helping a beloved friend. It's a kindness to let it be given, and to notice and appreciate and not take it for granted. I'm good at that.
It's oddly unnerving territory for me, along with saying "no" when I can't do something, or even (Heaven forbid!) claw back offers I've made during better times.
I am an old dog, but I am learning!
There are a couple other blog themes I've been working on: Tips for how to comfortably talk with someone who has a terminal illness and Conversations with Death as a regular companion. Look for them in future postings!
Writing this blog has been a great way for me to figure out what all is going on. Thank you for caring enough to read it. Several folk have said it's been impossible to write comments. I'll try to get the simple steps to do it and post it.
enough, The End
No comments:
Post a Comment