“Become such as you are, having learned what that is”

 That’s a quote of Pindar which found me recently.   It reminded me of a feeling I’ve had most of my life,  you’re always growing but you don’t know what to, but you can sense when you’re on the path or off the path.  The point is that sensing, rather than the content of any particular choice.    I feel like that’s part of what I’m doing with this move, becoming more of who I am, because I’ve learned who that is.    

I’m a noticer.  I notice little things, big things, and think and wonder about them.  That noticing and questioning is  an essential part of me. I sensed that it was time to leave the farm, because if I didn’t I would never do anything besides grow and put by food, feeding folk because I can.  I needed Less, to be restless and bored so I can feel around for the next right thing to do and be.   That’s why mindless tv and napping might be dangerous, filling the void and lulling me into comfort and “the arms of Morpheus” as my bro likes to say.                                                                                                                                         But sometimes dreams and the dream state allow me to see things out of the corner of my eye,  to notice the unexpected      So in the recovery of the move perhaps I should let that languid flow happen  as long as I’m still noticing.    

Which finally gives me a good feeling about this forced daily journaling I committed to.  I feel like I’ve been pulling words out of my ass so to speak, not really having anything to say.   But perhaps that allows for some random thought from the “radio in the back room” of my mind to tap me on the shoulder.   And because I’m Free of should oughtas  I could pursue.