It's hard

I'm coming off a big family reunion which culminated in a Gil remembrance, Gil story sharing around a big bonfire.   Everyone has left.  I'm left with a house full of dishes and chaos and love and the Gil celebration music on LOUD.   It was wonderful to hear all the stories, images, imaginings, LOVE,  that Gil inspired.
And he's not here.  I've finished off the dregs of an open bottle of wine and I can't stop crying.   He would have loved it and he's not here!   It's one more step away from him      and I don't want to.       I'm sorry, please, please come back.
But he's not coming back.
Even the essence of him, he's fading, fading, and it's so hard.  Why is it sooooo hard?   It's just hard.
Celia Cruz on LOUD LOUD;  I can feel him.  He wasn't who he was all the time these last years.  It was hard as he was gone even when he was still here, but I miss who he was at heart, at essence.
Get a grip.  Move on.   But it's so hard,  Why is it so HARD?
There are the dregs of a beautiful sun set over our hill.
The beat goes on.
great music
ask for a copy and I'll send it to you.