Exploring

I'm living in the land of "I knew a man called Gil Miller, years ago", yet still mist up when I think about him.  What's up with that? One foot in getting on with life, another not wanting to leave the moisture of the loss.  I've gotten a few more days where I get an appetizer of the solitude in my future, enough to know I'll like it.  My mantra of "yes" is taking me out to a ??somatic/body workshop?? in California the week of my 63rd birthday.  It seems auspicious as I try to find the way into being more "embodied".
The WHO are you, WHY are you, WHAT do you WANT? still plays in the back room of my mind but it seems to need less thinking and more tentative exploring what's possible, tuning into how I feel as I try it.
Grieving is the oddest experience I can recall this lifetime, but perhaps there are many others equally surprising if I can just stay open and risk trying them,