Numb and Crabby

So much for the anniversary of his death being an emotional Camile like weep fest.   For the last couple of days I've been feeling kind of numb, going for the naps and ice cream  and generally irritable at family, friends and foes.    I get off on missing him and crying but, you know, I've done a lot of that this year .  Time to move on to feeling other feelings, like anger.   I was surprised when I riffed on that in the last post.  There was a lot about the years from the brain tumor on that was really hard and he could be quite self centered and passive.  And I was never Saint Kathleen; I wasn't always fun to be around.   Grieving  doesn't change the reality of our basic messy humanness.  And crabby when it's upgraded to anger can be energizing.  Which I could use.  I'm sick of wallowing; time to clear brush and move chickens.  And I'm pissed he's not here to help.